ATTACK OF THE KILLER SHRIMP OF DOOM
by Alex Glaven
Summary: *Akiko* Picard faces something so terrifying...so horrifying...it could only be...shrimp?
1. The beginningdun dun dun

Alright, this is my new "stupid escape" fic.   
  
Elena: Es-ca-pay!   
  
Why are you invading all of my fics?   
  
Elena: Because my shrimp inspired the idea.   
  
Fine. I don't own Golden Sun. And the shrimp gave me the idea. Enjoy.   
  
ATTACK OF THE KILLER SHRIMP OF DOOM!   
  
By: Akiko   
  
Chapter 1: The beginning...dun dun dun...   
  
Picard was leaning over the railing of his Lemurian ship, staring out onto the horizon where the blue water met the blue sky, and all was very blue. The wind made little waves in the water and blew his hair away from his face. The sun glimmered on the surface of the water.   
  
"What a beautiful day," he said to himself. He tended to talk to himself a lot. After all, he was rather old.   
  
Something surfaced in the water. Picard leaned farther in order to investigate. "I wonder what that could be."   
  
It was a huge shrimp. It reared in the water and let out a shrill, piercing scream.   
  
****   
  
"NOOOO!" Picard woke up. He was sitting up in bed, gasping for air. He brushed his fingers through his hair, thinking quickly. "Was it a dream? Or was it a vision? Well, whatever it was, I'm certain it wasn't real."   
  
He got up and padded barefoot up to the deck. The water was absolutely still, the moon reflecting off of it like a very large mirror. The sight calmed Picard, and he leaned against the rail, deeply breathing in the smell of the sea. He gagged when a dead fish chose that moment to float by and he caught a heafty wiff of that.   
  
"Ugh," he rubbed at his nose, his eyes streaming. "That was disgusting."   
  
He stared back out to sea, trying to breath shallowly and wishing the stench would go away. A little ways off he saw a disturbance in the water. Something beneath the surface glowed a sullen green, and the water bubbled up like something very large was moving down there.   
  
"What is that?" he asked the air. Suddenly, a shrimp bigger than the last one surfaced from the depths. It was indeed glowing, water washing off of it's dimly lit green scales. It let out a sound like a fog horn and started towards the ship.   
  
****   
  
"NOOOO!" Picard sat up again. He was back in his own bed. He sighed and pulled his blankets toward him, a smile on his face.   
  
"Wait, this happened last time," he remembered. "I woke up from a horrible dream, only to be attacked by shrimp again. Will this be a never ending, vicious cycle of doom? Will I forever be plagued by giant shrimp? Why? Tell me, WHY?!"   
  
"Because you slept in, you dolt," Mia walked in. "C'mon, lunch is ready."   
  
"MIA!" Picard could have glomped her. "Tell me this is real!"   
  
"It's real, Picard," she gave him the look that told him he was acting like a psycho again. "Now, hurry up. It's probably getting cold."   
  
They walked up to the deck together. "So, what's for lunch?"   
  
Garet bounded up and presented him a plate full of pink curls on lettuce. "We're having-"   
  
"SHRIMP! NOOOOOO!" Picard ran away. "GET THEM AWAY FROM ME!"   
  
"I've always known he was crazy," Jenna said.   
  
"Yeah, imagine, a big guy like that, terrified of shrimp," Isaac shook his head.   
  
Behind them something fell onto the deck. The giant shrimp sniffed. They were eating his brethren.   
  
They would pay.   
  
***   
  
Second chapter coming soon!   
  
Elena: Pow pow Picard!   
  
I wonder what happened to my actual muse... 


	2. Wake up wake up wake up wake up

Alright, here I am with a second chapter. I hope you enjoy it.  
  
Elena: Es-ca-pay!  
  
Shut up, will you?  
  
ATTACK OF THE KILLER SHRIMP OF DOOM!  
  
By: Akiko  
  
Chapter 2: Wake up wake up wake up wake up...  
  
Chapter 2:   
  
Sometime in the late afternoon, Picard left the corner of the cabin he had been huddling in since the shrimp incident. He strolled up to deck, avoiding the railing where many an encounter with the evil crustateons had taken place. He decided to ignore the fact that they were dreams.  
  
Shrimp were evil.  
  
He whistled a jaunty Lemurian tune as he went to work, doing all of the stuff that was needed to be done on a ship that was run by Psynergy, like uselessly moving barrels around, leaving out pieces of rope so people would trip, and other such fun things. The sun was starting to set when he first noticed something odd.   
  
There seemed to be a lot of water near part of the railing. Frowning, he walked over and looked over the edge.  
  
"It was probably just a wave," he told himself, even though the sea had been still and calm all day. "I mean, we are out in the middle of the ocean, and the ocean is composed of water..."  
  
He stared down onto the water that was rippling from their passing. The setting sun made the water sparkle with orange and pink. It was all very, very pretty, with absolutely nothing out of the ordinary.  
  
Without warning a huge shrimp sprang from the water and onto the side of the ship, its many legs clicking and rustling, running up the side of the ship. Picard screamed and jumped backwards, his shoulders hitting the cabin behind him. The shrimp crouched on the railing, making strange hissing noises at him.  
  
"NOOOO!" he yelled, wondering why he wasn't waking up from the dream yet. "GET AWAY GET AWAY GET AWAY!!!!!"  
  
He heard the sound of running feet, but it was too late. The shrimp sprang at him, feelers swishing violently through the air.  
  
Felix ran up, tripped over a piece of rope, and fell forward, hitting the shrimp in midair and smacking it down onto the deck. The shrimp let out a shrill cry that was cut off when it was smashed by Felix's arm.  
  
"Ow!" Felix sat up. He held up his arm, which was covered in shrimp guts. "Oh, yuck!"  
  
"Felix...you...saved me," Picard muttered.  
  
Felix looked down at the dead shrimp and said an interesting combination of unprintables. "That's one HUGE shrimp! Lucky I killed it!"  
  
"Yeah...and I have a feeling that's not the end..." Picard looked out to sea, trying to ignore the impending sense of doom.  
  
****  
  
And now we know why Felix didn't talk in TLA! Hanging out with Satty-kun and Mena-chan for three years gave him a foul mouth! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I love you! 


	3. Raaaaaaaaaghr

I'm updating already! Wheee! Enjoy!  
  
ATTACK OF THE KILLER SHRIMP OF DOOM!  
  
By: Akiko  
  
Chapter 3: Raaaaaaaaaghr  
  
"So, you say that you had dreams about these shrimp before the giant shrimp tried to attack you, correct?" Ivan asked, sitting cross-legged in front of him. Picard nodded. "Yes, exactly."  
  
"A prophetic Mercury Adept...now I really have seen everything," Sheba muttered, sitting next to Ivan.  
  
"Now, now, Sheba, our friend Picard could very well have had a vision of shrimp attacking our ship," Ivan reminded her.  
  
"It's MY ship," Picard murmured.  
  
The two Jupiter Adepts glared at him. "What was that?"  
  
"Nothing..."  
  
Now, Picard, just close your eyes and relax," Ivan told him. "We're going to go inside your mind and find out whether they really were visions or not."  
  
Picard nodded his head and closed his eyes. A few moments later terrifying thoughts began surfacing. The time Lemuria had been attacked by a giant sea serpent, facing the prospect of going to school with the worst hair cut in the world, the first time he had met Jenna, and worst of all...SHRIMP. Big shrimp, little shrimp, EVERYWHERE.  
  
Quite as suddenly as it had come, it stopped.  
  
"That was messed up," Sheba shook her head. "Really...you Lemurians are nuts..."  
  
Ivan looked confused. "I...think I agree with you."  
  
"Well?" Picard asked impatiently.  
  
"I-" Ivan began to say. Then the entire ship shook. They could hear screaming outside, and quite suddenly there was no roof. A shrimp of gargantuan porportions had knocked it away, and was now glaring down at them, it's feelers vibrating, making a hissing noise. Picard screamed and dove for the nearest bed. Ivan and Sheba cast spark plasma in unison. Outside others were casting their own Psynergy. The shrieks from the shrimp started becomming unbearable...  
  
****  
  
Picard woke up.  
  
"Ah, it was just a dream," Picard sat up, then noticed something odd. "Hey...where did the roof go?"  
  
***  
  
Alright, now to answer some reviews!   
  
Elena: ::dies:: But you never answer reviews!  
  
Well...I want to.  
  
Wahya: ::falls of chair:: Woah! Are you serious?! I've...never actually seen the Tremors TV series (though, I have seen all three movies...) and I thought I was the only one going nuts...  
  
Sapphire Falcon: Oh, no. See, none of them can talk. They're all writing on dry-erase boards, and all of that squeaking you hear is due to their markers moving on the boards. And the leaders have to keep trading off, but unfortunately they're stupid and have the dry-erase board in the wrong game.   
  
Viollete Ice: Both, of course!  
  
Mossygirl: Yes, it was a spoof on Escaflowne. ^^;;;  
  
Uniswift87: Are you kidding me? This is a VERY serious fic! This fic is dealing with the terror of gaining a fear of shrimp, and then having to face your fear! It's the psycological thriller of the year!   
  
WildBlackWolf: Well, take a walk off of a short piers wearing concrete shoes! Okay, no, don't. But seriously, I despise the name "Piers". Mostly because I wrote Picard before the second game came out, and when you write about characters you tend to get attached to dumb things like their names and personalities. So, sorry, he will remain Picard.  
  
Everyone Else: I've known about my mental state of health for a long time, thanks. ^_^  
  
Alright, that's enough, now that the author notes are longer than the story...  
  
Elena: Not hard.  
  
Oh, shut up. Next chapter coming soon! 


	4. This Is My Island In the SunOnly It's a ...

Isaac: :::in greenish-blue "Took you long enough"::  
  
I missed you SO much, Isaac.  
  
Isaac: ::in reddish-gold "I know"::  
  
Anywho, sorry about the weight. I decided to take a little vacation...but I'm back now! And hopefully I'll write more than I have been...  
  
ATTACK OF THE KILLER SHRIMP OF DOOM!  
  
By: Akiko  
  
Chapter 4: This Is My Island In the Sun...Only It's a Ship...  
  
"So, the giant shrimp attacking the ship...WASN'T a dream?!" Picard screamed.  
  
"For the millionth time, Picard, NO," Jenna hit him with her staff. The Mars Adept looked rather perturbed...he couldn't imagine why.  
  
"OW!" Picard rubbed the back of his head. "That hurt."  
  
"Good, it was supposed to," Jenna seemed rather pleased with herself.  
  
"Guys, shut up," Isaac put on his "I-am-the-brave-and-fearless-leader-listen-to-me-NOW!" face. "Okay, first a rather large shrimp attacks Picard, and is killed by Felix."  
  
"Yeah, I smacked it with my arm," Felix explained animatedly, swinging his arm to demonstrate the exact movements he had used. "It was like 'wham!', and then the little bastard was like 'splat!' and its guts went flying-"  
  
"As I understand it, you tripped on a piece of rope and your arm landed on it," Sheba interrupted him coldly.  
  
"I meant to do it!"  
  
"That doesn't matter," Isaac silenced him with one of his glares. "A short while later, our ship was attacked by a shrimp bigger than a Kraken. If this keeps up...there won't be much a ship to come back to."  
  
"We'll just do what we did when we lost our ship," Garet replied. "I mean, between Picard and Mia I'm sure we could get a pretty decent piece of ice to float on."  
  
"It won't work very well in the tropics, Garet," Mia said.  
  
"Oh...right...about that..."  
  
"Hey, that's it!" Ivan brightened. "We can move to a colder climate! The warm climate must be what's making the shrimp so big!"  
  
"Only problem with that is we used up all of our psynergy defending our ship," Sheba pointed out.  
  
"Then we'll just die, sad day," Garet shrugged.  
  
A hissing noise directed their attention to the railing. Four shrimp, all roughly the size of clydesdales, were perched on the railing. The wood was strained under the weight, and their ship began to lean.  
  
"Quick, battle stations!" Isaac drew his sword.  
  
"Oh, mother..." and Picard fainted.  
  
****  
  
Hahaha...stupid cliffhanger! Now...a response to a review..  
  
Bar_Ohki: ::gasp:: You've read Dragon Knights?! You are my new best friend! That is my favorite manga series! I absolutely adore it! And yes..."Killer Shrimp" was partially inspired by Kharl's little creation...sorry I didn't reply to your review earlier!  
  
Isaac: ::in bluish-silver "You do realize that you work in a few hours, right?"::  
  
Oh yeah...sleep is a good thing...more to come soon! 


	5. A Twist in the Plot

ATTACK OF THE KILLER SHRIMP OF DOOM!  
  
By: Akiko  
  
Chapter 5: A Twist in the Plot  
  
When Picard woke up, it was to see a rather large shrimp over him.  
  
"GAAAAH!" he was about to faint again, when a large amount of fire incinerated the shrimp.  
  
"Well, I know what WE'RE having for dinner tonight," Garet muttered.  
  
Picard whimpered, and sat up. Apparently that had been the last shrimp, as the others had been dispatched of. Sheba was being healed by Mia, but other than that everyone seemed to be fine.  
  
"That was a close call!" Felix sat down next to him. "Whatcha think, Lemurian boy?"  
  
Picard glared at him and thought about saying something along the lines of being a lot older than him, but was silenced when Isaac stood up and sheathed his sword, very dramatic like, forgetting to clean the shrimp...stuff...from the blade. "Well, another battle won." "This is too easy," Jenna groaned, swiping her staff through the air. "You'd think that-"  
  
Something pulled itself over the rail and fell onto the deck.  
  
"No! Not more!" Picard shrieked.  
  
"You twit!" Jenna smacked him with her staff. "Do any shrimp you know have lots of blue hair?"  
  
The blue-haired head in question looked up.  
  
"See?!" Jenna fixed him with a glare that had made braver men than Picard gibber in fear. "It's only Alex!"  
  
"ALEX?!" Mia jumped to her feet, a look of fury on her face that would make even braver men wet themselves. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"  
  
"And here I was hoping he had died..." Garet sighed. "He always did creep me out."  
  
"Me too," Sheba shivered.  
  
"I'm right here," Alex glared at Garet.  
  
"Yeah, we noticed," Garet nodded.  
  
"What are you doing here?!" Isaac drew his sword, with a bit of difficulty since the shrimp stuff covering the blade had begun to harden inside the sheath. He pointed his messy blade at Alex's throat. "Answer me, you...you..."  
  
No insult that held enough venom yet contained no words that Felix used on a regular basis seemed to come to Isaac. Alex, however, ignored his blade and stood up, looking a little bit worse for the wear.  
  
"I was hoping I would find you," he regarded them all with ice-cold eyes. "I see you've been attacked by the killer shrimp of doom."  
  
****  
  
Alright, you asked questions, I have answers.  
  
DjinnXpert: A Clydesdale is a really big horse. A really cool horse. I always wanted one so I could ride it down the halls of my highschool.  
  
Uniswift: Unfortunately I only write this fic on short bursts of inspiration. VERY short bursts of inspiration. And anyway, there IS such a thing as "too much of a good thing."  
  
Well, the next chapter will come eventually! Thank you for reviewing, oh wonderous reveiwing people! 


	6. Tell Me He's Joking

Okay...well...it's now updated.  
  
Isaac: ::in green "just...be afraid"::  
  
ATTACK OF THE KILLER SHRIMP OF DOOM!  
  
By: Akiko  
  
Chapter 6: Tell Me He's Joking...  
  
"So, you're telling me that these things are taking over cities all along the coast?" Isaac jumped to his feet.  
  
"Yes, exactly," Alex nodded.  
  
Isaac drew his sword, very dramatic like, and pointed it off in a direction he picked at random. "Onward! We can't leave those towns defenseless!"  
  
"Cool it, Leader boy," Felix grabbed the back of his tunic and pulled him back down. "We gotta worry about ourselves first."  
  
"But we're heroes, we don't even consider our own self interest!" Isaac protested.  
  
"Well, fine, if we don't worry about ourselves first we won't have a ship to get to the coast in," Sheba pointed out. "And then those poor people wouldn't have a chance."  
  
Isaac paused. "Yes. Yes Sheba. You're right."  
  
Everyone else rolled their eyes. Alex looked a bit confused, but decided to stay quiet.  
  
"I wonder how they got that big, though," Ivan thought aloud. "And why they seem intent upon attacking people."  
  
There was a flash of light, and a giant floating rock with an eyeball appeared before them.  
  
"The Wise One!" Isaac jumped to his feet again.  
  
"You! I have a score to settle with you!" Jenna grabbed her staff and went towards the Wise One. Alex grabbed her cape to keep her from attacking.  
  
"Picard," the Wise One turned to him.  
  
"Huh?" he had been silent for most of the evening.   
  
"A shrimp near Lemuria was gifted the power of the Golden Sun."  
  
"Wait!" Alex yelled. "You told me that some of it was given to me, and the rest to Isaac!"  
  
"Isaac?!" everyone looked at him.  
  
Isaac shrugged. "What?"  
  
"No, unfortunately only a small portion of the remaining power was siphoned off to Isaac," the Wise One explained. "The rest went to that shrimp. It's been causing other shrimp to grow, and become strong. It wants to take over the settlements on land and be ruler of the Golden Age."  
  
Silence fell over their little group.  
  
"Well, how retarded is that?" Felix asked after a moment.  
  
***  
  
I agree with him. That's just retarded. 


	7. The Beginning of Well Something

Yes! I'm finally updating!  
  
ATTACK OF THE KILLER SHRIMP OF DOOM!  
  
By: Akiko  
  
Chapter 7: The Beginning of. . .Well. . .Something  
  
They set off at full speed for Lemuria the next morning, using the ship's flying capabilities and everything. Isaac stood at the prow in heroic pose, the wind whipping back his scarf, the effect somewhat ruined when Flint appeared on his head. It was more than ruined when a seagull flew a little too close and decided to deposit a present directly on Isaac's shoulder. Isaac, being the fearless hero that he was, drew his sword and began waving it about, managed to trip, and fell over onto the deck, his scarf covering his head.  
  
Needless to say, everyone laughed, and Isaac suffered little injury other than a bruised tail bone and ego.  
  
"Here comes our dignified leader!" Garet announced when Isaac came in for dinner that evening. Picard had a feeling that the Venus Adept would NEVER live it down.   
  
"Make way!" Ivan, who must have been taking obnoxious lessons from Garet waved everyone to the side. Isaac gave him his best glare, but it seemed to have little effect on the cheery Jupiter Adept.  
  
"Oh, leave him alone," Mia chided them.  
  
Alex raised one blue eyebrow, but declined from commenting.  
  
"Dude, that was the funniest thing I ever saw," Felix assured him. "You were like 'Yeah, I'm cool', and then that seagull's-"  
  
"We don't need a recap, Felix!" Jenna yelled at him. Picard was grateful, he was certain Felix was about to say one of the words that made Mia want to kill things.  
  
"Fine," Felix sulked. He brightened a bit and then turned to Picard. "Yo, Lemurian boy, are we almost to the home place?"  
  
"We're getting close," he felt a sudden sense of forboding. He was NOT looking forward to taking on a giant shrimp. "In fa-"  
  
He was cut off when the ship ground to a sudden halt, which sent everyone and their food flying. The lamp went out in the process, plunging them into darkness.  
  
"Is everyone alright?" he asked after a moment.  
  
"Dude, I think so."  
  
"Ow...Mia! Get your big butt off of me!" Jenna yelled.  
  
"I'm not sitting on anyone!" Mia replied.  
  
"Oh, sorry, that was me," Picard could hear Ivan scrambling around.  
  
"OW! That was my foot!" Jenna yelled. "FLARE!"  
  
A bright light filled the cabin, and revealed Alex with his cape on fire. He sighed, took it off, broke off one of the table legs and wrapped the still burning garment around it.  
  
"Nice trick, Mercury boy," Felix grinned at him. "But...um....your hair's on fire."  
  
"What?! Oh..." this was followed by several Felix words while Alex cast douse on himself. In the torchlight they could make out that the ends of Alex's hair were severely burned. He looked crushed, but refrained from saying anything.  
  
"Well," Isaac was back in fearless leader mode. "Let's go find out why we've stopped."  
  
****  
  
Now to answer some reviews!  
  
Orchid-Yes! Burn the wise one...and Kraden!  
  
Bar-Ohki-Thankee! And unfortunately, Kharl will not be in this fic. T.T Poor Kharl.  
  
Kyarorain-Thank you. ^_^  
  
InsaneTrekkie-The name "Piers"...::shudder:: Well, the main thing is that I was writing fics with Picard long before I even knew his name would be changed. When you write with a character, particularly Picard, you get attached to him and therefore become adverse to any changes, such as his name. So...I will probably always know him as Picard and hate the name Piers. ^^  
  
Well, that about does it!  
  
Isaac: ::in blue "Would you get off of the whole Picard thing?!"::  
  
But...I like Picard...review, please! 


	8. Dun dun dun!

Yes, I'm alive, it's a miracle.  
  
Isaac: ::in sparkly green:: She has good reasons for being dead for so long, she promises.  
  
But I'm too lazy to explain those reasons, so if you're really curious you can e-mail me at akiko_date@juno.com Isaac: ::in orange-smelling pink:: And she'll reply as soon as she possibly can. Well, enjoy.  
  
ATTACK OF THE KILLER SHRIMP OF DOOM!!!  
  
Chapter 8: Dun dun dun!   
  
They got up to the deck, Isaac in front. Unfortunately the wind was blowing the wrong way for a dramatic entrance, so Isaac's scarf flew right up in his face. He threw it over his shoulder, where it was pinned to the back of his head and blew over his hair like a banner. Garet snickered and muttered something to Ivan, who grinned evilly.  
  
The moon was shining down on the deck and glittering off of the ocean. All appeared to be calm and still. Nothing was out of place at any rate. But they still weren't moving, and the ship had dropped into the ocean, the wings still spread out.  
  
"Careful, friends, there could be evil afoot," Isaac warned them, drawing his sword.  
  
"All right! I was getting bored!" Jenna swung her staff through the air, nearly decapitating poor Sheba.  
  
"I'll go check the Black Orb," Picard volenteered. He didn't particularly want to be out in the open when the inevitable attack of the shrimp occured.  
  
"You do that, Lemuria boy! We'll hold down the home fort, yo," Felix drew his own sword despite the calm silence only broken by the waves agains the side of the ship.  
  
"Shut up, Felix," Jenna hit him with her staff.  
  
"Ow! Why you-"  
  
Picard hurried and shut the door, but judging by the muffled shouting and thwacking noises, he assumed that Felix had said another one of those words again.   
  
The Black Orb room was dark. Which was odd in itself, the entire place was supposed to be glowing with psynergy. Picard felt his way over to the pedastle where the Black Orb rested.  
  
He felt the top of the pedastle. It was smooth and cold, but only the depression where the Black Orb normally rested was there.  
  
The Orb was gone.  
  
Picard ran out to the deck, to see Mia strangling Felix. He ignored that, waving his arms. "The Orb is gone! The Orb is gone!"  
  
There was a long silent, in which Mia finally allowed Felix to drop to the deck. After breathing for a minute, the Venus Adept began speaking his mind.   
  
"You ho! Why'd ya do that?!"  
  
"So, the shrimp are smarter than we expected," Isaac sheathed his sword, very dramatic like.   
  
"They're obviously smarter than you," Garet muttered. Ivan started laughing at that.  
  
"This is serious!" Picard yelled. "How the heck are we going to get this ship moving without that Orb?!"  
  
There was another long moment of silence, which was broken by Ivan.  
  
"You guys are so stupid!" he wiped tears of mirth from his eyes. "Isaac has a freakin' Black Orb! We'll just use that one!"  
  
"I...do, don't I," Isaac blinked, and pulled the Orb from his pouch of many things. Picard wondered for the millionth time how Isaac could possibly keep something as large as a Black Orb in such a small pouch, not to mention everything else he had. He still had the bone he had picked up in Vault, for crying out loud.  
  
Picard reached for the Orb when there was a scream. A shrimp the size of a cocker spaniel jumped from behind a barrel, wrapped its feelers around the Orb and pulled it from Isaac's grasp. It hissed and scuttled across the deck, climbed onto the railing, and leapt into the ocean with a faint flash.  
  
The Lemurian sat down and clutched his chest. Isaac blinked, hand still outheld.  
  
Everyone stood around blinking for a long while.  
  
"I summon Neried!" Mia lifted one hand, and in a rush of blue sparklies the turtle-riding priestess appeared, giant fan in hand.  
  
"I was, like, sleeping," she announced, fanning herself despite the cool night breeze. "Like, what do you want?"  
  
****  
  
So, did you have fun?  
  
Isaac: ::in split purple and yellow:: Please review and leave marker colors to make me feel special after my long absence. ^_^   
  
...Moocher.  
  
Isaac: ::in reddish-gold:: So? 


End file.
